Gentle Note Before You Read
This post contains reflections on childhood sexual abuse, trauma, and the healing process. I share these thoughts in hopes of creating understanding and connection for survivors who may be navigating similar experiences. These topics can be emotionally heavy, so please move through this space at whatever pace feels safest for you.
Abuse is a lifelong struggle for many, if not all survivors. Even though I’ve done a lot of work to come to terms with my abuse, I recognize that it will likely stay with me in some way for the rest of my life. It’s not something that I will ever forget, nor is it something that is easy to ‘get over.’
For many years, I allowed my abuse to consume every aspect of my life. It affected my self-confidence, my mental and physical health, and even my relationships. Many survivors also struggle with self-blame after abuse, which I discuss in Why Survivors Blame Themselves After Childhood Sexual Abuse. I thought about it every single day, often spiralling into depressive thoughts. No matter how hard I tried to forget or pretend it didn’t happen, it always found its way back into my mind.
I woke up and went to bed thinking about my abuse. I couldn’t sit in a quiet room without it surfacing. Even during casual conversations, I would somehow find a connection back to what I had experienced. These experiences are also connected to the long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse. My abuse controlled my life, and without realizing it, I allowed it to become a part of my identity.
There was a time when my trauma felt like the only thing that defined me. But through healing and reflection, I slowly began to realize: you are more than your abuse.
Understanding That Abuse Does Not Define You
Through the work I’ve done on myself, I’ve come to understand that my abuse does not define who I am. It does not make me the person that I am today. I am the woman I am today because of the work I’ve put into healing and because of the love and support I’ve received from the people around me.
While my abuse taught me many things including setting boundaries, advocating for myself, and letting go of people-pleasing, it no longer dictates how I live my life. Although it has impacted many parts of who I am, I now see it as something I have grown through, not something that defines me. In a sense, it has helped shape my strength, not my worth.
The First Step Toward Healing
The first step in overcoming my abuse was also the hardest. I found it easy to internalize my pain and keep my experience a secret. What I didn’t realize at the time was that by doing this, I wasn’t protecting myself. I was preventing myself from healing. Understanding the healing process can help survivors feel confident in reclaiming their identity. I discuss this further in Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse.
For me, healing began when I finally spoke to someone I trusted. Opening up to my therapist allowed me to release everything I had been holding inside without fear of judgment or ridicule. If you’re considering this step, I’ve written a more in-depth guide on whether therapy might be the right fit for you and what to expect. Therapy helped me understand something important: my abuse is not who I am. It’s something terrible that happened to me, not a reflection of my character or my worth.
Through therapy and open conversations, I learned that my abuse was not my fault. As I slowly became comfortable sharing my story with people I trusted, I felt as though I was getting my voice back. Over time, the negative and self-blaming thoughts that once consumed me were replaced with more hopeful and compassionate ones.
Final Thoughts
Today, I am a happier and more confident woman than I was just a few years ago. My abuse will always be part of my story, but it no longer controls my everyday life. When memories surface unexpectedly, I now have the tools and self-trust to keep them from pulling me into a spiral. Even though abuse will always be a part of a survivors journey, it does not define who they are or who they can become.
If there is one thing I hope readers take away from my experience, it is this: you are more than your abuse. Your life means more than the pain you experienced. I know who I am beyond what happened to me. I have more to offer than my trauma. I will not let my abuse take over my life.
I am more than my abuse.
