Do you find yourself overthinking everything? Do you constantly feel on edge? Do you find yourself struggling within your relationship but you don’t know why? Or maybe you just feel off, but you can’t explain it?
What if there’s more to it? What if these pattens are not random, and are related to early childhood experiences you’ve had to face? You’re not alone in these feelings, and it doesn’t mean that you’re broken, or that something is wrong with you. It just means that you haven’t been given the space to become aware of, process, or heal from your past trauma.
Childhood trauma doesn’t have to be physical or a major event. It can show up through emotional neglect, or even feeling unsupported. Signs of childhood trauma manifest in different ways as children grow into adults. Many signs can be directly linked to childhood trauma, but others are more subtle signs that are difficult to realize.
In this post, I discuss why childhood trauma follows you into adulthood, why it goes unnoticed in adults, direct and subtle signs of childhood trauma in adults, what to do when you recognize signs, and validation that patterns can change.
This post is meant to offer awareness and understanding, not to diagnose or replace professional support. If anything here resonates with you, it might be worth exploring with a licensed therapist or trusted professional. You deserve support in navigating this.
What Is Childhood Trauma?
Childhood trauma is a deeply distressing emotional, physical or psychological experience that an individual under the age of 18 goes through.
This experience can impact a child’s sense of safety, their ability to cope, or their bodily and emotional integrity, which I talk more about in the post How to Start Healing From Childhood Trauma.
Why Does Childhood Trauma Follow You Into Adulthood?
Childhood trauma has a unique way of following survivors into adulthood when they are not caught and treated early on. This is because as a child, you didn’t have the capabilities or the understanding to process your trauma appropriately. Instead, your mind and body may have adapted by minimizing, avoiding, or disconnecting from overwhelming experiences.
As you grew older, your body and mind developed a deeper understanding of your childhood experiences, which is why many challenges show up later in life. Trauma impacts brain development and nervous system regulation during a child’s pivotal growth periods. The impact on brain development can leave you with unhealthy patterns and habits which become ingrained as normal behavioural patterns and carry into adulthood.
Many children unconsciously begin to suppress traumatic memories as a coping mechanism, which may work temporarily but is not a long-term solution. These experiences can continue to affect emotions, relationships, and behaviours later in life, even if you don’t consciously connect them to your past.
Why Childhood Trauma Often Goes Unnoticed in Adults?
Childhood trauma often goes unnoticed in adults because as kids, survivors may not have been taught what was normal versus abnormal. Throughout their trauma, they may have developed the understanding that their experience was just a normal part of childhood.
If childhood trauma was caused by a family member, children are more likely to normalize their experience as they’re with a “trusted” adult. For all they know, all children go through the same experiences.
Many survivors also tend to minimize their own experiences, often comparing themselves to others and concluding that others had it worse. The brain may also block memories of the traumatic event, only leaving behind the physical and emotional impacts of trauma. Adults may then struggle with their mental health, but not be able to pinpoint exactly why.
In adulthood, any signs of childhood trauma such as overthinking, being independent, or sensitive may be normalized as being a part of your personality, or ‘just how you’ve always been’ rather than a result of your childhood trauma.
Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults
Common (More Recognizable) Signs
Childhood trauma impacts adults in both clear and subtle ways, where left unaddressed, can have serious long-term effects. Common signs may be easier to begin to address as awareness exists early on.
- You may feel emotionally numb
- You may feel like you’re navigating this experience on your own
- You may experience anxiety or depression
- You may resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms
- You may experience intrusive memories
8 Subtle Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults You Might Overlook
While some signs of childhood trauma are more obvious, many show up in subtle emotional, behavioral, and relationship patterns that are easy to overlook.
Not everyone who experiences childhood trauma will relate to all of these signs, and these experiences can vary widely.
Emotional Pattern: Dissociation
Dissociating is a freeze response where the mind escapes what the body cannot. The mind disconnects from memories, feelings, and the environment to protect itself from emotional distress.
- You may not feel like yourself
- You may feel like you’re floating on a cloud or having an out-of-body experience
- You may feel like you aren’t physically present
- You may face memory gaps
Personal Reflection
After my abuse, I constantly felt like I was living in a continuous out-of-body experience. During conversations, I could hear myself talking, but it felt like I was speaking in a dream. When sitting still, my entire body felt foggy, as if I was watching myself from a distance. I would go through my day-to-day life appearing normal, but internally I constantly felt like I got from point A to B with very little recollection of how I did it.
Emotional Pattern: Fear-based thinking
Many survivors act from fear-based thinking due to the anxiety and hypervigilance they developed from their childhood trauma. They may constantly feel on edge, question everything, struggle to ask for help, or even experience intense anxiety. Survivors often have a hard time telling the difference between past threats and present safety, constantly putting themselves in a fear based mindset.
Survivors’ minds may automatically go to a worst-case scenario mindset so they can always stay prepared. They may also struggle to trust others, as trust was often broken in their childhood. They may feel hypersensitive to danger, and always be on alert scanning their surroundings for potential threats.
Personal Reflection
To this day, I feel a sense of hypervigilance daily. Without realizing it, I’m constantly looking into anything people say, questioning behaviours, and watching body language closely.
On a daily basis, I create worst-case scenarios in my head, always thinking of what I would do if different scenarios were to happen. I find that by doing this, although emotionally exhausting, it provides me with a sense of safety and predictability.
Behavioural Pattern: Avoidance/Procrastination
Procrastination is a survival mechanism where the brain prioritizes safety over long-term tasks. It’s a flight response to avoid memories or emotions that could be triggering or unsafe. For many individuals, trauma may have impacted their brain’s ability to plan, organize, or prepare themselves for specific tasks, making it difficult to complete.
Many survivors felt a fear of consequences during their past trauma, which may impact their present lives. They may find themselves avoiding specific tasks or pushing them for later to protect themselves from this fear. For example, many survivors tend to procrastinate from difficult responsibilities at work due to fears of failure. This fear is likely to have stemmed from the fear of failure developed during their trauma.
Behavioural Pattern: Need for control
Control is a survival mechanism that many survivors use to protect themselves from future harm. For many survivors, unpredictability is unsafe so they may try to maintain a predictable lifestyle. Since control didn’t exist in their childhood, survivors may overcompensate by taking control of their present in an effort to regain power. Survivors may be inflexible, may micromanage, or may even refrain from asking for help as help can be risky if things are not done the way they like.
Survivors may constantly have feelings of shame, guilt, or self-blame, so having control may prevent future issues, which I discuss more in the post Why do Survivors Blame Themselves.
Behavioural Pattern: Chronic busyness
Keeping busy can be a flight response to distract survivors from spiralling into trauma thoughts. It’s a coping mechanism used to avoid uncomfortable memories, keeping the nervous system in a state of high activation. Many survivors are afraid to sit in silence, so they constantly keep themselves busy in an effort to continue to suppress their thoughts.
Constant busyness is only a short-term solution that can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion. Without support or awareness, these patterns can continue over time.
Personal Reflection
I’ve always felt uncomfortable sitting in silence, and need background noise in anything I do. Whether it was completing my homework in school, or working from home at my corporate job, I was only able to function and work if I had a tv show playing in the background. I wouldn’t actually be watching the show, I just needed the sound. Sitting in silence allowed for intrusive thoughts to take over, so I filled this silence with sound.
Relationship Pattern: Difficulty setting boundaries
Trauma crosses boundaries, but because childhood survivors are unable to identify their personal limits, they aren’t aware of the need to set boundaries. Survivors may normalize their childhood experiences, making it difficult for them to acknowledge that a boundary needs to be set, or how to set one.
Many survivors also struggle to set boundaries out of fear of conflict, not wanting to hurt others, or fear of punishment. This can ultimately lead to anxiety and emotional exhaustion, as survivors’ own needs aren’t being met.
Relationship Pattern: Relationship sabotage
Sabotaging relationships is a survival mechanism to avoid potential harm from a loved one. Survivors may find themselves dependent, clingy, or even distant the moment they sense potential neglect. When childhood trauma impacts bonds between survivors and caregivers (who should be protecting children), survivors may develop insecure attachment styles with any future relationship.
- You may find yourself reacting to harmless situations based on your past experiences
- You may have difficulties trusting someone, due to fear of abandonment or betrayal
- You may cling to relationships that feel “safe” or “comfortable”
- You may serial date to avoid deep emotional connections
- You may find yourself constantly monitoring, setting impossible standards, or testing your relationship
- You may feel like you deserve to stay in toxic relationships
Personal Reflection
After my abuse, I constantly needed personal interactions to distract me from thoughts of my abuse. I attached myself to my boyfriend where I needed to have him around at all times to feel safe and secure. Even when we were together, I felt pain knowing that he would need to soon go home. I sometimes took it as a personal attack on days where he couldn’t be with me, often pushing him away, doing the exact opposite of what I felt I needed.
I didn’t know it at the time, but this attachment stemmed from my abuse. Not only did he provide me with the safety that I didn’t get during my childhood, but having him around also distracted me from intrusive memories. Because of this, I held on to him as tightly as I could.
Physical Pattern: Chronic Pain
Mental and emotional pain from trauma has the ability to translate to somatic symptoms in survivors due to their constant fight or flight state. The connection between mind and body is so strong, that being stuck in survival mode can create anxiety, depression, or PTSD, which could form physical pain.
Research shows there is a direct link between your mind and body where exposure to stress can have severe impacts on physical and mental health, especially when the trauma was experienced in childhood.
What to Do as You Start to Recognize Signs
As you grow and begin to learn about and process your experiences, you may naturally start to recognize signs of childhood trauma within yourself. It’s normal for your childhood trauma to impact your adult life, and recognizing patterns is a great step to healing.
According to the University of Rochester Medicine early intervention of the impacts of childhood traumatic events can make positive changes to a survivors’ quality of life. Hence, recognizing the signs of childhood trauma is a great thing!
As you begin to notice signs, practice self-compassion and come from a place of grace. Educate yourself on patterns you identify to normalize and validate them. Recognizing signs of childhood trauma can be triggering, so take small steps to avoid triggering your brain’s alarm system. Write down the signs as you become aware of them, and notice how much you can process without feeling overwhelmed. Practice self-care strategies including journaling, meditation or getting good sleep to keep your mind calm.
If at any point you would like additional support, you may want to talk to a licensed professional. If you are unsure if therapy is the right fit, I talk more about it in Therapy: Is it for you?
Most importantly, move at your own pace and continue to offer yourself kindness.
How Childhood Trauma Can Show Up in Everyday Life
Childhood trauma can show up in your day-to-day life without you realizing it, including through:
- Overthinking
- Over-explaining
- Need for reassurance
- Over-apologizing
- People-pleasing
- Perfectionism
- Being “the strong one”
- Appearing highly independent
You are not Broken. You Adapted
Signs of childhood trauma can manifest in many different ways for survivors. As a survivor you may feel broken, like something is wrong with you. However, it’s important to understand that there was a reason for your behaviours at the time of your trauma. You did what you needed to do in that moment in time. It’s how you survived.
Shifting your mindset from feeling broken to understanding that you’ve adapted, changes your self perception from self-blame to self-compassion. It will allow you to understand that characteristics including overthinking, people-pleasing, and difficulties setting boundaries are not personal flaws, but rather strategies that you once needed to get through your trauma.
Things are different now. You now have the clarity and ability to process your trauma safely, something that was impossible to do as a child. You can now recognize and change your patterns in a way that feels safe for you.
You deserve the credit for doing what you needed to do at the time to get through it. You are a survivor, and change is possible. You are more than your abuse!
Final Thoughts on Recognizing Childhood Trauma in Yourself
Recognizing personal signs of childhood trauma can be a meaningful discovery. Experiencing childhood trauma may have led to suppression and avoidance due to a child’s inability to process it in a healthy manner. Recognizing patterns as an adult can allow you to address, process, and heal in ways that feel safe for you.
Although it may feel overwhelming, and you may struggle with a loss of potential self due to abuse, you can change these patterns.
With the appropriate safe support tools, you can work towards creating a life that feels more reflective of how you want to live it, despite your abuse.
